My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
