My friends, they love my intelligence
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
