Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
