so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
