Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
