And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
