remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
