My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
