i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
