Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
