how can u be prego again
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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