i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
