god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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