I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
