The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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