I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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