It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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