I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
