i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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