i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We left an ass print on the piano.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
