i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
