I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
