You work out of a Hotel?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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