Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
