My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
