Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
