Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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