whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
