I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
