If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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