Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
