Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
