So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Two words: blizzard sex
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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