Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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