All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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