he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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