you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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