Even the bartender felt bad for me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Boobs speak an international language.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
