Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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