i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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