please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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