I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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