I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
