She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
