Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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