I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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