just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
