so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
