i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
