Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
