The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
