what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
