somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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