So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
