When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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