Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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