goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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