ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize