Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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