Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
