So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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