She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
