You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
