I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
