I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
