Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I need to stop coming to work sober
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
why do cheetos always look like penises
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
