My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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