What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
