Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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