Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am one with the molecules
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
