Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
is wine microwaveable?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
